To Be Without His Smile
by VioletDragonian
Summary: She loves it when he smiles at her, even if she acts like she doesn't. (also known as, I wanted them to kiss happily for once. incredibly self indulgent fluff)


She loved when he smiled.

The way his whole being lit up, radiating addicting warmth that she could never quite get enough of. The way he would swing around to face her, his features glowing like a priceless treasure even with half of his expression obscured by the blindfold. She could never look away, drawn in ever deeper every time she saw his artificially flawless face smooth itself into pure adoration directed right at her.

She always tried to look behind her when he did that, always doubting if he could really be looking at her. He always took it as disinterest when she looked away, she knew. The way his face would have fallen ever so slightly when she looked back again, the way he would try to conceal how it made him feel when he thought she was pushing him away.

Emotions were prohibited after all, right? And yet everything he did poured emotions, drenched in that pure light that was everything him, as much as he tried to stifle it for her. She felt bad. She was sick of pushing that rule on him, stamping out that light every time he tried to bless her with it.

That must have been why it was so easy to snap and throw everything away, the day he stopped smiling at her.

Or why it hurt so much when he stayed turned away from her, knowing she would only reject or chastise him if he tried to reach out to her with his heart like he always did. She had only brought it on herself, keeping him at such distance and pushing away his every attempt at getting closer. Had she even considered, before, how it made him feel that she rejected him every time he tried to reach out to her?

Suddenly, she didn't particularly care what Command or the rules thought. She wanted him to keep smiling at her, not avoiding her and being afraid she didn't like him.

She stopped in her tracks. He crashed into her back.

"Hwa-?" He made an almost amusing sound when his face collided with her shoulders, making an equally almost comical flailing as he bounced off and fell to the ground. She half turned, watching him out of one eye. Even through his mask, she could see confusion directed at her for a few moments, until he cast the tilt of his head toward the ground and away from her. For once, there was silence.

How long had her indifference been wearing on him, that it was so bad now he couldn't find the words to speak to her? Guilt rose in her chest, and her body moved seemingly of its own accord as she turned fully and reached out to him.

He started visibly when the small gloved hand appeared in his vision, offering nothing but gentle concern in the creases of its fabric. His eyes, though hidden from her, trailed slowly past her offered hand, up her arm and to her face. Her expression betrayed nothing, as always, and yet she knew he could see something different. Maybe it was in her posture, or the way she'd never offered to help him before. Cautiously, his hand met hers, accepting her advances the way she never had for him.

In the instant their gloved hands met, she curled her fingers tightly around his and pulled, maybe a bit harsher than was needed but he couldn't fault her for it. But though he expected her to let go once his feet were on the ground, she did not, continuing to pull until his body collided with her chest and her arms draped around his form. He choked out a startled noise.

"2B?" There was a faint stutter in his voice, though he masked it well. She only tightened her grip, pulling him more flush against her and burying her face in the crook of his neck. His bare skin was warm, maybe warmer than normal, and he shuddered a breath at the contact. "W-what are you-"

All she had to do was turn, her lips meeting his neck, to make his words die into startled croak. His body trembled under her touch, both nervous and eager for what she'd do next. Somewhere in the rational part of his mind, she knew he was trying to pick apart her odd behaviour, and yet her faint breath ghosting over his skin was enough to fry any and all rational thought long before he could come up with an explanation.

"9S." She commanded his name just the same as always, her voice entirely unaffected by their current position. He made a strangled noise that might have been a question back at her. When she spoke again, her voice held a tinge more emotion than before. "I'm sorry."

The tremors in his body slowly paused, that rational side breaking through again with a rush of concern despite the way she was holding him. "I, what?"

Suddenly she felt unsure, wondering if she'd judged him wrong. Maybe he'd had entirely different things on his mind today, and it wasn't about her at all? Maybe he'd just been in a mood, and didn't actually consider her reactions, or lack thereof, as rejection?

Maybe he wasn't even trying to reach out to her in that way?

She tried to pull away.

His hands on her shoulders stopped her.

"2B, are you okay?" Concern was clear on his face now, his eyes darting around her face worriedly. She was glad for their blindfolds, and yet she couldn't stop herself from looking away from his hidden gaze. "No, really, you're acting really weird. Is something wrong?"

Was she really that indifferent to him that any emotion toward him was weird? Was that what he thought?

"I.. don't know how to explain."

Her voice was lost, low and quiet with her admission. He pressed for details, gently.

"Can you try?"

She was silent, for a long time. Thinking, debating, watching his patient face only an arm's length from her. Watching the way he stayed completely still, not daring to move and startle her into further silence. Eventually she came to a decision, reaching up to pull his hands off her shoulders.

"2B?" There was that hint of hurt in his voice again as she removed his touch from her. It was a double edged sword for a moment, his disappointment stabbing right where she might've had emotions, but vanished again as soon as his hands were placed on her hips and his breath drew in sharply again. He didn't speak anymore, waiting.

Her own hands trailed slowly up from where she gripped his wrists, her open palms sliding up the sleeves of his coat. They moved ever so gently up and up, over his shoulders and collar, onto his neck, framing his face as her fingers threaded into his hair…

And then she was pulling again, so much more carefully this time, seeming almost shy as she gently pressed her lips right to his. For a split second he didn't move, and panic started to enter her mind, a cold and uncharacteristic fear forcing her to nearly draw back.

But then he pressed back against her, tilting his head up for her taller height and one of his hands sliding to splay against her back, keeping her firmly in place. A few moments more and she pulled away anyway, unsure of how to continue.

But.. one look at his face, and she decided maybe she could take some time to figure it out, if it meant he'd keep smiling at her the way he was now.

* * *

 **A/N:**

 **This is entirely self indulgent. I need more of these two just getting to kiss without bad things happening too okay and my brain decided this rambly unedited mess needed to be born at 2am. I had work the next day.**

 **worth it**


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